The Kiss Heard Round the World

Bryce Harper is an asshole. He's a big, fat, awesomely talented, ass-kicking, sonofabitch asshole. And we got him. The Phillies don't. The Yankees don't. The Nationals do. And that's why I love him.

OK, so backing up a bit. We've been hearing for over a year that Harper has "makeup issues." People say he's cocky and too often shows up opponents.

But there are makeup issues, and then there are makeup issues. And sometimes, as Elijah Dukes once said, "makeup is the stuff they make up about you."

The question in Harper's case isn't whether he's cocky or not. Obviously he is. But so were Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Bob Gibson, Babe Ruth... heck, how can you perform at the level these guys perform if you aren't supremely confident in a way that most of us would consider kind of off-putting if we had them over for dinner?

The question is whether his arrogance translates to laziness and/or an inability to deal with adversity. Ryan Leaf was arrogant--and as a result, he didn't work and he couldn't deal with failure.

We don't really know yet whether Harper will be able to handle failure. But we do know that he's far from lazy. Every indication is that he not only believes he's the best--he's also driven to do what it takes to prove it. That's the kind of asshole you win championships with.

Now, as for the blown kiss. We don't know the real story here. The camera shots we've seen have only shown Harper rounding the bases Wilson Ramos-speed and blowing the smooch. We don't know whether the pitcher was talking shit or how much went down before that moment. @bharpsis4534 says there were two sides of the story, and I suspect that's probably true.

But here's what I liked about it. First, the kiss felt to me like it was Harper first and foremost having fun. He loves the game, loves to compete, and loves to win. Was it polite? Ideal sportsmanship? No. But it also didn't seem mean-spirited. It seemed playful, not angry or petulant. I kinda thought it was charming.

Second, I like that he talked shit after he hit a home run. Muhammed Ali said, "it ain't braggin' if it's true." Yes, I know, Ali was a boxer, not a baseball player, but I think MLB would be better off if it had more Alis and a fewer milquetoast, corporate-packaged Derek Jeter types.

Finally, I like that he plays for my team. And if he's going to kick as many butts in his career as it seems like he will, doggone I kinda hope we get to rub some noses in it. For all the Phillies fan takeovers of Nationals Park and all the losing, we're due to enjoy our wins a little more openly than Miss Manners might approve of.